Oh yeah Jamster, hear me roar!

This is for you people at Jamster to annoy the bejesus out of all of us normal (read: non-chav) people. See your bird get shot to pieces you cocks...



Regards,

Me

Charles and Camilla eh?

Announced today that Charles and Camilla are to marry. Fair enough, have no problem with that.

I do remember having an argument with a woman at work once who said that Charles couldn't be divorced and be head of the Catholic church, should he become king. I pointed out to her, in quite strong terms, that firstly the Pope is head of the Catholic church and that Charles would be head of the Church of England and secondly that the C of E was founded by Henry VI so that he could divorce his wives and remain king.

She went strangely silent then.

Anyway, have this thing I made for b3ta...

I can't be trusted with anything.

Oh yeah, just two weeks with my new phone is all it took for me to break it.

Came round a corner at work, caught the frame of the door with my big fat flabby thigh and in one step destroyed the LCD on the front of my phone that was nestling helplessly in the hip pocket.

The phone whined a little, tried desparately hard to shed light and information from the 64000 colour display and then, with a sorrowful beep switched itself off for good.

How fucking clumsy am I? I did the exact same thing when I was at school with a Casio Databank calculator I saved for that could keep all my phone numbers in which I proudly showed off at school (this was way before mobile phones and even the early handheld devices). I had it for three weeks and sat on the damn thing. I was distraught... well you would be too if you'd saved your pocket money for weeks just to buy the thing.

Thankfully I'm older and wiser now and make sure I insure the nice things that I buy. First thing in the morning I'm off to Vodafone to get a spanking new replacement. Thank god for insurance companies... they rip you off for half your life and come good once in a blue moon.

Bless you Michael Winner, keep selling us useless policies that we may replace our broken things with... you big fat tosser.

Ignoring the shitty quality of my camera look at the fractal-like crack across the screen. Bollocks. Just plain bollocks!

I've lost that little bit of the bottom of my phone.

Yeah, bugger it, only had the phone a week or so and already lost the little charger cover thingy. Damn the fiddly little thing.

Looks like I'll have to try and steal one from someone who's got the same phone. Shouldn't be too hard, mind, it seems every bugger's got one already and now I just look common. Why aren't people buying Nokia 3210's anymore? Those were the days when everyone had the stupid de di der derr, de di derr derrr, de dee derrr durrr derrrrrr ringtone that annoyed the bejesus out of everyone before ringtones got so commercial.

So thats it, I've lost it and now have to rob another one. Blast.

Valentine's Day coming up in ten days. Bollocks... what should I get? Won't be leaving it until the day before like I did at Christmas but still need to get thinking.

Do girls like ponies on Valentines Day? Is that quite romantic? How about a magazine subsciption?

Chavs! Bloody Chavs!! Die pikey scum, die...

Hate them, I really do. All those Burberry clad twats that just hang around outside the Spar or in their Novas at the local drive thru. Why do they do the things they do. Do they think it will earn them respect from the world as a whole? Will dressing like a hooligan get them all their heart's desire? In my opinion they dress and act the way they do soley to piss off everyone else in the world.

Wankers!

This is to all the Chavs, Kevins, Pikeys or whatever it is you call them in your region....

GET TO FUCK YOU TOSSERS!

Anyway, now thats out of my system... have I told you about my girlfriend? She's the bestest in the world and I love her with all my heart. You hear me bird, I bloody love you you big soft apeth and here I am broadcasting it to the world.