Summer heat... goddamn it's hot!

Looks like we're having a heatwave then. It's been pushing 30 degrees for well over a week now and no sign of it letting up. A little bit of rain yesterday should have cooled everything down and for on evening it did but it didn't last and today has been hot again.

Sleeping isn't fun either, a sheet still feels like a forty tog quilt in this heat but still I have the lovely lying next to me so as long as she's there it's all good. Well... until she (in her sleep, never conciously) sprawls across the bed and drapes legs and arms over me. I love falling asleep with her and me cuddling but in this heat? Phew! Still, I love her with all my heart and thats why I'll do anything for her.

All of which means I need to make some changes to my lifestyle. Like she has just finished saying, it's time to put away childish things, which I guess means taking down the toys I have adorning my house that I think looks cool but that other people clearly think look a bit sad for a thirty year old to still have lying around the house in view. It also means taking more control of my life and stop just drifting along hoping that everything will be alright if I just ride it out. I need to find a way to build my confidence? I mean, how do you do that, seriously? I'm one of the least self confident people on the planet, I can't speak in public and rarely voice my opinion in a room full of people, even if they are all friends and relatives.

I wonder where this fear of rejection and lack of self confidence comes from? I mean, I know I was picked on a little at school, I think a few years of being the 'new boy' in a school played a part somehow. I remember in the early days of Middle School that I never used to join in with the play at breaktimes and just stood or sat by a wall reading due to a lack of new school friends. This made me something of a target and probably made me more introverted that I should have been, but I was only twelve.

What to do is the question. I suppose I should look up techniques and tips from 'experts' but what then? Will it help? We'll see.